I know, it's been a long.
Reason for it is getting sick for the billionth time this winter, starcraft and other more fun things.
I still love the game of poker, but playing isn't that great anymore. The swings, the insecurity, the tilt, ... It's not all that appealing.
I'm at this stage in my "pokercarrier" where I know I lack the work-attitude to become really good, and I don't really make a lot of progress in my game. I confident that I can still beat 5/10 6-max, and you can make a decent amount there. However, money has never been a motivation for me. I'm looking out to buy a house, so the extra money would be welcome, but somehow that's very abstract in my brain.
It's stupid to have this skill and not do anything with it. Every time I write stuff like this I get pumped up and I think "let's grind my ass off from now on", but when I actually need to do that, I find excuses.
Just like I planned on running at least twice a weak, doing pushups 3 times a weak, etc.
Since I'm kinda failing and don't really have any goals atm, I find very little motivation to keep this blog up. However, it's a great tool to help and motivate you when you do have goals.
Other reasons for the lack of play is tiredness and emotional instability, which often go hand in hand. Tired because I have to wake up at 4 in the morning for work, and emotional unstable because the stuff with my girly friend that still bothers me.
I need to play at least 8k hands this month, because in april we might see the launch of pokerstars.be, which means I can't use cashbonuses. If I play 8k hands I'll have enough fpp's to get my 4k bonus and after that I'm prolly going to move to full tilt and/or others.
I hope I'll play a lot more, but my mindset has to change for it, and I don't know how.
Maybe I'll just go to bed at 20.00, and really try to be 'semi-professional'. However, once I have to move to FTP and others, traffic will be even smaller as now during the European afternoon.
We'll see. I'm just making this blogpost to say I'm still alive.
If anyone wants to see a blogpost about something particular, feel free to contact me. I'd be very happy to try and do something with it.
So yeah, I got a cold once again. 2nd time this winter.
I'm getting better at the moment. It's going pretty good with my other struggle too.
I do need a lot of sleep, and since I normally only play in the evenings, I didn't play yesterday, and likely not going to play today.
I did have a good session the day before yesterday, although I didn't play my A-game I feel. I did ended up 1k+, and that's been a loooong looong time ago since I had one of those.
I shouldn't stare at the results though, and realize that I actually shouldn't be playing too much unless the games are really good at the moment. I'm too tired to play my A-game.
This Friday I don't have to work, so I hope I'm back in good health by then I can grind some 6-max during the day, and masstable FR during the evening to make up for the days I didn't play.
My goal of making supernova before march is not really going all that well. I hope I can do some grind-days, and really do some massive volume.
This with hopefully a winrate.
Going to watch the BBC doc. "What is reality". Should be good I heard. After that, it's bedtime.
Yeah, I haven't updated since some time, but a very happy new year for all of you.
My pokergoal for this year was to get supernova before the end of February, but since the VPP/hand are lower then before, and I'm likely not going to get 70k+ hands in I already doubt I'm going to make it.
Either way, as you may have noticed in the blogs since 2 months ago is that something annoyed me. Right now I'm comfortable enough to talk about it since I can look at it pretty objectively.
About 5 or 6 years ago my mother dated someone who had three kids of his own. Long story short is that I got pretty close with the two daughters and considered them really good friends. I don't have any brothers or sisters myself, so I can't compare, but the bond was pretty strong I thought.
It's likely been going on for longer, but since a month ago I realized that I had feelings for the youngest one (she's almost 8 years younger then me). Since I really valued the friendship a lot and was pretty confident she wasn't interested in me that way anyhow, I was kinda mad at myself, trying to make it undone but I didn't have a clue how to do it. I made myself a little depressed at the time. I looked for help in the best person for the job (technically), which is her sister, because she understands how deep the friendship goes and how she's going to react. Practically though, it's still her sister, and you shouldn't tell girls you're in love with their sister and expect them to keep it a secret.
Which she didn't of course.
However, ever since I found out she told her she's been ignoring me. I don't blame her telling her sister, however I do blame her for dropping me when I kinda need it the most.
The youngest one is actually more supportive, although a bit uncomfortable, but that's impossible not to be I'd say. I do think once my brain starts being 100% normal again we can go on just like before. At least I hope so.
Either way, I found a couple of things that really help. It drove me mad at first, but now I'm seeing results and I feel like I'm "healing".