G1lius' Road to Triplenova

I think I can say it's a pretty bad month

A lot of things have crossed my mind. I thought about quiting, taking a break, getting the going pro thing out of my head, etc.
I haven't made up my mind yet.

Some things I have realized:
- 400BB downswings are very likely to happen to 1BB/100 winners. And I might not even be a 1BB/100 winner.
- You need to put in a big amount of hands once you go pro. Variance can be very sick (400BB is nothing compared to wost case scenarios), so you just need a lot of hands to get into somewhat of a long run. Which basically means going pro = going for supernova elite
- I still have no clue about my real skill-level.
- I can not get 50k profit this year, unless I go for quatronova and get 20k$ in winnings. (which is from now, because I'm basically breakeven for the year atm)

I don't know what I'm going to do yet. I will continue to play, and go for triplenova. How to continue after that, I don't know.
I do remember Randy Pausch's words: The brick walls aren't there to stop us, they're there to let us show how badly we want something. They're there to stop the other people who don't want it enough.
However, I'm behind schedule for triplenova, and struggling to get things done, so it might be too impulsive to just say "hey, I'll go for quatronova".

I am not going to play unless I feel ready for it. I played some today with a very bad mindset. The mindset of "I really don't want to see another beat" and "I'm prolly getting outdrawn here again".
There's no reason for me to start playing if I have that in mind.
I don't know how long it's going to take. I might be grinding away tomorrow or be close to august before I start again. Can't tell.
The going pro in 2011 is pretty far away in my head right now. I'd say there's like a 10% chance, maybe even less.

I am currently at 135k VPP's, so 15k short for triplenova-pace.
Over the year I am up a whopping $222