G1lius' Road to Triplenova

I know, it's been a long.
Reason for it is getting sick for the billionth time this winter, starcraft and other more fun things.
I still love the game of poker, but playing isn't that great anymore. The swings, the insecurity, the tilt, ... It's not all that appealing.
I'm at this stage in my "pokercarrier" where I know I lack the work-attitude to become really good, and I don't really make a lot of progress in my game. I confident that I can still beat 5/10 6-max, and you can make a decent amount there. However, money has never been a motivation for me. I'm looking out to buy a house, so the extra money would be welcome, but somehow that's very abstract in my brain.
It's stupid to have this skill and not do anything with it. Every time I write stuff like this I get pumped up and I think "let's grind my ass off from now on", but when I actually need to do that, I find excuses.
Just like I planned on running at least twice a weak, doing pushups 3 times a weak, etc.
Since I'm kinda failing and don't really have any goals atm, I find very little motivation to keep this blog up. However, it's a great tool to help and motivate you when you do have goals.
Other reasons for the lack of play is tiredness and emotional instability, which often go hand in hand. Tired because I have to wake up at 4 in the morning for work, and emotional unstable because the stuff with my girly friend that still bothers me.
I need to play at least 8k hands this month, because in april we might see the launch of pokerstars.be, which means I can't use cashbonuses. If I play 8k hands I'll have enough fpp's to get my 4k bonus and after that I'm prolly going to move to full tilt and/or others.
I hope I'll play a lot more, but my mindset has to change for it, and I don't know how.
Maybe I'll just go to bed at 20.00, and really try to be 'semi-professional'. However, once I have to move to FTP and others, traffic will be even smaller as now during the European afternoon.
We'll see. I'm just making this blogpost to say I'm still alive.
If anyone wants to see a blogpost about something particular, feel free to contact me. I'd be very happy to try and do something with it.

So yeah, I got a cold once again. 2nd time this winter.
I'm getting better at the moment. It's going pretty good with my other struggle too.
I do need a lot of sleep, and since I normally only play in the evenings, I didn't play yesterday, and likely not going to play today.
I did have a good session the day before yesterday, although I didn't play my A-game I feel. I did ended up 1k+, and that's been a loooong looong time ago since I had one of those.
I shouldn't stare at the results though, and realize that I actually shouldn't be playing too much unless the games are really good at the moment. I'm too tired to play my A-game.
This Friday I don't have to work, so I hope I'm back in good health by then I can grind some 6-max during the day, and masstable FR during the evening to make up for the days I didn't play.
My goal of making supernova before march is not really going all that well. I hope I can do some grind-days, and really do some massive volume.
This with hopefully a winrate.

Going to watch the BBC doc. "What is reality". Should be good I heard. After that, it's bedtime.

Yeah, I haven't updated since some time, but a very happy new year for all of you.

My pokergoal for this year was to get supernova before the end of February, but since the VPP/hand are lower then before, and I'm likely not going to get 70k+ hands in I already doubt I'm going to make it.

Either way, as you may have noticed in the blogs since 2 months ago is that something annoyed me. Right now I'm comfortable enough to talk about it since I can look at it pretty objectively.
About 5 or 6 years ago my mother dated someone who had three kids of his own. Long story short is that I got pretty close with the two daughters and considered them really good friends. I don't have any brothers or sisters myself, so I can't compare, but the bond was pretty strong I thought.
It's likely been going on for longer, but since a month ago I realized that I had feelings for the youngest one (she's almost 8 years younger then me). Since I really valued the friendship a lot and was pretty confident she wasn't interested in me that way anyhow, I was kinda mad at myself, trying to make it undone but I didn't have a clue how to do it. I made myself a little depressed at the time. I looked for help in the best person for the job (technically), which is her sister, because she understands how deep the friendship goes and how she's going to react. Practically though, it's still her sister, and you shouldn't tell girls you're in love with their sister and expect them to keep it a secret.
Which she didn't of course.
However, ever since I found out she told her she's been ignoring me. I don't blame her telling her sister, however I do blame her for dropping me when I kinda need it the most.
The youngest one is actually more supportive, although a bit uncomfortable, but that's impossible not to be I'd say. I do think once my brain starts being 100% normal again we can go on just like before. At least I hope so.
Either way, I found a couple of things that really help. It drove me mad at first, but now I'm seeing results and I feel like I'm "healing".

200000 vpp x 3.5 = 700 000 fpp
700k fpp x 0.016 = 11200$
stellar bonus: 1000$
Supernova bonus: 200$
doublenova bonus: 2600$
quarterly freeroll winnings: +/- 1700$
reload bonus: 650$
____________________________
17 350$
- +/- 700$ mtt-spew
- 5440$ loss
___________________________

11 910$

Hope 2011 will be a better year. I'll do my very best to make it happen.

Since people like graphs I'm posting my rollercoaster graph of today.

Today I played 3k hands. Might be the most ever.
10k vpp's to go. After next session I'll only have a 4 figure number to go :)

Graph of today:

It seems like the national law might be ready around the start of the new year, so it's really interesting what will happen the next couple of weeks.
As for my mental state, still the same thing, although it's getting a bit better...

So this weekend I tried to make up for the slacking.
sort or less worked.
I feel like I'm getting a lot of bad beats, so it's likely variance. I'm not really sure how much my mental state affects my game. I feel like I'm making good decisions, but you never really know if something affects you or not.

Either way, this is my graph since Friday:

15.7k vpp's to go.

It's been a while, so I'll make another blogpost.
I need to play a lot, but I haven't. There are reasons for that, but I don't want to talk about that.
I'm too close to doublenova however to just leave it to that.
It's 2.6k$ extra if you hit doublenova, so it would be stupid not to force it.
I need 21k vpp's. So that's about 22.6k hands at 5/10 FR, so 3.5k$ rake.
I get 73.5k fpp's for that, so that's 1176$ for that. So I get 3.7k$ for 3.5k rake. That's more then 100% rakeback from this point to doublenova.

Went to see Papa Roach and Disturbed last Sunday in Forest national. Pretty awesome, although Papa Roach saved their classics for last, so I didn't know the majority of the songs.

20$ for anyone that can find me! (I didn't find myself, so I wouldn't bother :p)

EDIT: oh yeah, there's actually a funny story to it. Oh well, funny...
So I went to Forest in Brussels, but apparently you need to take one more train from Brussels south, to Forest. I didn't know that, so when I looked up the train schedule I searched for Brussels south, not Forest.
Long story short, I missed my train.
The two girls I went with (yeah, I went with two girls, I'm such a player) both study in Leuven, so I went with them, sleeping at one's dorm.
I had to work at 4.20h, so there was no way I could make that since the first train leaves at 6.00h or something. So I woke up at 4.15h, calling them 8 times between then and 5.00h. Nobody answered the phone. I said "fuck them" and went to sleep again. At 5.45h I finally received a phonecall to ask where I was. I did my story and they said there where 3 sick people calling in today, and I needed to get there as soon as possible. So I stumbled out of the dorm, took the 20 minute walk to the train station, just to miss the first train. I drove to Antwerp-Berchem my car Sunday, because otherwise I wouldn't have made it anyway. So after a 40 minute wait at the train station, a 1.30h train ride and a 35 minute car ride I arrived at my work at 9.00h. I didn't have any working clothes, so I borrowed some shoes that stood some chance in the snow, and a jacket so people wouldn't mistake me for some sweat/beer stinking bum.
I've had better days.
I guess it was worth it though.

So I went to see the last movie last night.
I liked it.
One thing about it though is that it kept me from player two days. I've only watched the first movie, so I spent the last two days watching the remaining 6 movies. It's almost 2u30 for one movie, so I kinda had a harry potter overdose.
It's pretty interesting how the movies age with their public. The first one is a children's movie, but this one is actually as serious as Lord of the rings.
One thing that does annoy me are the translations of the names. The names usually are very different from the English ones.
Dumbledore has become 'perkamentus' which translates in parchmentus.
Hogwarts has become 'zweinstein' which phonetically translates in piggystone.

Anyway, I don't think I'll play much today either, because I'm really tired and my brain is fussy. Too much information in too less time I guess :)

Yesterday I didn't take a nap. Which resulted in not playing a lot during the day because tables are too hard, and being tired in the evening resulting in playing bad.
So I'll have to keep up with the napping. Maybe setting an alarm on my days off. Which should be good, because I'll be able to play some in the morning too, like I did today.
I wanted to reward myself with some online software (not pokerrelated), to get the feeling that I bought it with pokermoney. However, I couldn't subscribe to their site because I had to give a USA city and state. I mailed them stating this problem twice, and after that they just gave me 3 months for free. Likely because I detected a "bug", although they didn't stated as such.
So yeah, I'm happy with the free 3 months, but now I didn't buy it with pokermoney. I still have this gift certificate from my job which is due at the end of the month. I'll likely go buy some cd's or dvd's tomorrow since I don't really know what else to do with it.
I'm kind of a cheap person I guess.
Anyway, I hope I can sleep a bit this afternoon so I can grind a piece into the night. I'll have no time this Friday so I really need to get some hands in.